Tragic Biz-Speak o’ The Day: 50 Shades of the verb “to use”

(Note: The worst part about this is that most of the site is beautifully written: bright, engaging, individual, informative, just what you’d want. I wish I could share some of that writing, but I’d have to identify the company.)

“At [CompanyName] we convert unstructured data into actionable, decision-driving information designed for operational executives and used for the purpose of leveraging operational yields. While our operating platform is diverse in terms of industry, at this time we are focused on creating operational efficiencies in the insurance industry functions of underwriting, claims and marketing. We have been in the unstructured data analysis business since [Date]. [CompanyName] was formed in [Date] with a significantly enhanced servicing platform we developed over the prior 24 months.”

GLOSSARY
Actionable = Useable
Decision-driving = Useful
Operational Executives = You
Used for the purpose of = Used for
Leveraging = Using
Operational Yields = I have no blessed idea. Something like “information you already have”
Operating platform = (industry term, that’s fine)
Diverse in terms of industry = versatile, adaptable
At this time we are focused on creating operational efficiencies in the insurance industry functions of underwriting, claims and marketing = Right now we’re working with the insurance industry

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Fine print: Wordnerdia’s Tragic Biz Speak o’ The Day makes no claims about a company’s products or services, just the atrocious writing found on their website. Our purpose is not to ridicule… ok, maybe a little. But mostly we want to point out that, in our opinion, there is just no benefit at all to writing like this and no one should do it ever, ever again.

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1 Comment

Filed under Tragic Biz-Speak

One response to “Tragic Biz-Speak o’ The Day: 50 Shades of the verb “to use”

  1. When writing a blurb for your company, follow these three simple rules to make you feel smarter, and other people to have no flipping clue what the hell you’re talking about:

    1) Obfuscate
    2) Obfuscate
    3) Obfuscate

    THIS is why I need to get out of corporate America.

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